1. Some nerd who clearly spends all his time on Reddit and 4chan starts killing people just to get a chance at nailing some girl who’s using him for cash.
2. A handful of heroes you see every game fight on the exact same map with the exact same items.
You walk around for fucking hours and have to read books and shit to even understand what’s going on. People talk to you in god damn moonrunes and expect you to understand what they want, and then send you off into the wilderness for some garbage that’s supposed to be important. But all that happens is you get swarmed by pterodactyls. You stumble around doing meaningless tasks for Lord of the Rings characters and you don’t even get EXP for finishing quests. This creepy gay pervert with ornate china on his face talks to you in your sleep. When you finally get to beat the shit out of him it takes forever just to find the asshole; when you do you discover he sounds like an unshaven basement-dweller with Cheetos stuck in his mangy neck hair.
1. Some wimpy sniveling shithead in an army jacket gets lost in a shitty abandoned town looking for his wife. You cant even go to the mcdonalds there, and you get followed around by Christina Agulera until she gets killed, but she always comes back even if you dont want her to. Some little girl steps on your hand and abuses you constantly and you dont have the balls to tell her to stop. All the monsters have really defined asses and put them in your face. Dudes with traffic cones on their heads Stab everyone all the time and you’ll probably end up just driving your car into a lake after you beat the final boss and it doesnt matter anyway because your radio is fucking broken also there’s some pizza but You CANT EVEN EAT IT BECAUSE EDDIE EATS IT ALL
2. You are a dog. The O button makes you bark. You have to defeat some stupid multi headed dragon and nobody can understand you because you are a dog.
3. Some kid with a bowlcut has to solve a murder mystery starring the cast of scooby doo. Eveyrone wants your dick. You think that would be a good thing but all of the characters you can get with are fucking crazy and adachi still wont bring dojima his coffee no matter how many times he asks. You go to school and shit and read books and fish and its exactly like real life but you’re just some kid with a bowl cut
1. So some scientist dude is like, in the future and has to beat up his old boss because he sucks. There are also zombies in it but not really. Also there’s this girl who is like, cool and stuff.
2. Walk to the mountain, and pick up ribbons on the way.
3. So you’re this thing in a computer, and you shoot other things in the computer and make techno music.
(Source: mylittlefangirl, via ghostvomit)